Dr. Gero or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Androids/Transcript
DISCLAIMER ANDROID 20: The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, TOEI Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cut to Bulma's destroyed plane falling down inside a crevice with the camera panning over to Trunks, who saved Bulma and his infant self from the explosion) BULMA: Uh... Oh, wow, pretty sure I was about to be a wish there... Oh, God, the baby! (looks to her right and grabs baby Trunks, who is crying heavily, from Trunks' arm) Ah, there you are... Aww, don't worry, Trunkie. It was just an explosion. You'll get used to those, those happen a lot around mommy. TRUNKS: I could have sworn I saw somebody else in the car with you. BULMA: Hmm? (cut to Yajirobe who's stuck under a pile of rocks) YAJIROBE: (reminiscing an earlier conversation with Korin) "Hey, Yajirobe." "What is it, Korin?" "Why don't you go help out the gang?" "Oh, sure, Korin, why not? What's the worst that could happen?" (a tiny rock falls and nails him in the face before crumbling into pebbles) I got a rock up my butt... SEQUENCE (cut to Vegeta floating in the sky) VEGETA: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! He got away again?! And not a nut or bolt to be found! Not that you had any nuts to begin with! (Trunks angrily glares at Vegeta and flies up into his path) TRUNKS: Look, I don't mean to tell you how to be a father, but why didn't you try and save your wife and son? VEGETA: My what and my son? TRUNKS: Wait, you mean you two never got married? VEGETA: What is that, some kind of food? TRUNKS: No, just, listen... When two people love each other... VEGETA: Oh, wow, I'm just f**king with you. My God, who doesn't know what marriage is? Also, love each other? Making a lot of assumptions here. TRUNKS: Grr... (back down on the ground with the others...) BULMA: So, I thought you guys were fighting androids? Why was Dr. Gero here? (everyone gasps like it's some big revelation) KRILLIN: Who dat? BULMA: Scientist. Worked for the Red Ribbon Army. Adequate with robotics. KRILLIN: Oh... Hey, Mr. Can't Say! You may wanna hear this! (later) VEGETA: You f**king failure! TRUNKS: Hold on a second, I-- VEGETA: You told us... two androids... May 12th... 10 a.m. South City! TRUNKS: Well, by nine miles off of... VEGETA: And what happens? We waste our time on the wrong f**king androids! TRUNKS: Look, I was... (looks over to Bulma) Uh, how old is that baby? BULMA: 'Bout ten months. TRUNKS: Ten months old at the time! VEGETA: How about next time you come back to give someone a heads up, you give them a goddamn photo?! TRUNKS: Just, listen... I think traveling back in time may have caused a butterfly effect. The androids that kill you in the future could still appear! VEGETA: I don't give a shit about butterflies! With all this time we've wasted, Dr. Gero has probably made it back to his lab already! And God only knows where that is! BULMA: I know where that is. VEGETA: You do? TRUNKS: You do? Why didn't you tell me!? BULMA: Because this never came up before. TRUNKS: No, I meant in the future... (shows Bulma's blank expression) Never mind. How do you know? BULMA: All scientists know where other scientists' labs are. Dr. Frapp, Dr. Wheelo... TRUNKS: Who? BULMA: Long story. Last time I checked, Gero had a secret lab right outside North City. VEGETA: Well then it's time for round goddamn two! (powers up and starts flying away) TRUNKS: Wait! (flies in front of Vegeta again) You can't just take off on your own! VEGETA: Are you giving me orders? TRUNKS: No, I'm trying to help you! VEGETA: Ohohoho, well, I'm sorry, but... (flies up in Trunks' face) I don't listen to bastards. (flies off, leaving Trunks speechless) PICCOLO: Gohan? GOHAN: Yeah? PICCOLO: You're a good kid. GOHAN: Oh... Thanks? TRUNKS: No! We have to stop him! (flies off after Vegeta) Dad! Wait! BULMA: Wait, "dad"? PICCOLO: Oh yeah, by the way, that kid's your son. No harm telling you now. Damage already done. BULMA: Oh, wow, he grows up to be a cutie! And... (remembers her last interaction with her future son) Oh, my God, I solicited my son for sex... (Krillin bursts into laughter off-screen) WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!? KRILLIN: Because it's hilarious! PICCOLO: You just learned about it. KRILLIN: And it is hilarious. PICCOLO: Anyway... Gohan, I think Bulma and the baby need to go home. BULMA: We do? PICCOLO: You do. GOHAN: Well, it would be nice to check in on my dad. YAJIROBE: Actually, I kind of need a ride, too. GOHAN: But I-- BULMA: Actually, I'd like you to take me home first. GOHAN: But you-- PICCOLO: Stop worrying, Gohan. I'm sure Goku's fine. (cut to Goku, who is screaming and writhing in agony) (cut to Dr. Gero running away from the Z-Fighters and heading toward his hidden laboratory) DR. GERO: (thinking) All right, made a miscalculation... a couple miscalculations. Lost an android, and a hand... And I think my brain case is loose. But there's no way they could follow me and none of them know where to find my lab-- Huh? (takes shelter under a rock and he sees Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin fly by) That's funny... they're all flying right toward my-- Oh, find me in the alps! No, there's no way they could have secured the location of my secret lab. Unless they know a scientist, like Wheelo or Frapp. Or any of the Brief--'' ''(remembers shooting down Bulma's plane earlier, out loud) SHIT!!! (a few crows are seen flying up into the air in distress) (flashback of Trunks talking to his mother his own timeline) FUTURE BULMA: Oh... Your father, huh? TRUNKS: Yeah, you never talk about Dad. What was he like? FUTURE BULMA: He was... a loner? Had a lot of trouble making friends-- very abrasive. TRUNKS: Am I a lot like him? FUTURE BULMA: You have his gender. (back in the present where Trunks is flying behind Vegeta) VEGETA: You know, if you really wanted to help out, you could stop following me around and start searching these mountains. TRUNKS: I'm trying to save your life! If you just stop and listen to me... VEGETA: The hell do you care? TRUNKS: Oh, come on! We both know I'm your son! VEGETA: And are you as disappointed as I am? TRUNKS: Argh! (cut to Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin, who have reached the outskirts of North City) PICCOLO: All right, we've got a lot of ground to cover. KRILLIN: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say. PICCOLO: We should probably... KRILLIN: Here it comes... PICCOLO: ...stick together for safety. KRILLIN: Oh. Thank our green God on the Lookout--! TIEN: I don't know... Probably cover more ground if we split up. KRILLIN: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! PICCOLO: Nah, he's got a good point. KRILLIN: Ah, green goddamn it! (all three of them fly off) KRILLIN: Why am I so scared, anyway? There's like a sextillion mountains around here. The chances of me running into him are-- (Dr. Gero grabs his leg from below and throws him towards a bolder) Ahhh! (Dr. Gero runs up and elbows him in the face and then proceeds to knee him in the stomach) DR. GERO: 540,000 to 1. Lucky you. Ta-ta. (flees the scene) (Krillin is seen left on the ground and moaning in pain) (Krillin Owned Count: 30) (cut to Dr. Gero arriving at the entrance of his lab) DR. GERO: (thinking) Ah, there's no place like home... And the only person who even got close is currently incapacita--'' '''KRILLIN:' (is seen floating right in front of Gero's lab) Hey, guys! I found Dr. Gero... And his lab! I found Dr. Gero's lab! DR. GERO: Inconceivable! How are you a-- KRILLIN: Senzu Bean. DR. GERO: I don't know what I was expecting... Please, if you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment, uh, Tien, I have something I'd like to show you. KRILLIN: Okay! (starts humming but stops) Aw, crap... It's the androids. (cut to Dr. Gero inside his lab) DR. GERO: (thinking) I literally can't believe that worked... (the lab lights up, playing a Mac startup sound) I also can't believe I may have to resort to 17 and 18. I should measure my choices... I can't be too careful with i--'' '''KRILLIN:' (from outside the lab's door) Piccolo, over here! I found Gero's lab! PICCOLO: (from outside the lab's door) Hrah! (tries to break down the door) Ahh, my wrist! DR. GERO: Caution to the wind, then. (opens Android 17's pod, who wakes up and steps out of the pod) ANDROID 17: (in a robotic voice) Hello, Dr. Gero. How are you today? DR. GERO: Well, that's new... I-- ANDROID 17: (normal voice) I'm just messin' with ya, man. What's up, Doc? DR. GERO: Oh, there it is. Good morning, Android 17. ANDROID 17: Man, according to my database, it's been a while since you last turned us off. DR. GERO: '''You mean, since you tried to destroy me... '''ANDROID 17: Yeah, Doc. And I'm real broken up about that. It's just, every time you talked, all I heard was "Kill me, kill me, kill me". Something with my auditory. Think it's gone now, though. DR. GERO: Well, suppose you just needed to be turned off and on again. ANDROID 17: Hmm, how 'bout that? You gonna wake my sister up, too? DR. GERO: Indeed. I require both of your assistance. (pushes a button to open up Android 18's pod) ANDROID 17: Wow. Must have gotten yourself in some shit. TIEN: (from outside the door) Here, let me get in on this. (tries to break down the door) AUGH! Now, MY wrist! (Android 18 wakes up and gets out of her pod) ANDROID 18: (in a robotic voice) Hello, Dr. Gero. How are-- ANDROID 17: I already did it. ANDROID 18: (normal voice) Ugh, you dick! We were supposed to do that together! ANDROID 17: I know, but I couldn't help myself. ANDROID 18: Whatever. (to Dr. Gero) What do you want? DR. GERO: Well, Son Goku's comrades are currently knocking at a door! PICCOLO: (is heard from outside once again trying to break down the door) Ah, my other wrist! KRILLIN: (from outside the door) Jesus, use your shoulder! DR. GERO: After a bit of an... incident earlier today, I lost Android 19, and my a-- ANDROID 18: Wait a sec, you built another android? ANDROID 17: Wait, wait, wait. Was it that fat clown thing? I thought that was a joke! ANDROID 18: Well, clearly it was-- it's dead. DR. GERO: And so are we if you don't-- ANDROID 17: Whoa, slow down. Are you an android? Holy shit, you're an android! How did you even do that? DR. GERO: I took my brain out and put it into this body. ANDROID 18: How? DR. GERO: I... Huh. How did I do that? (Cut to outside the lab, where Piccolo, Tien, and Krillin are still trying to break down the door. Tien attempts to break down the door with a shoulder tackle.) TIEN: Ah, now my shoulder! KRILLIN: It's like it's made out of some kind of metal... VEGETA: So, we having a party? (Vegeta and Trunks arrive in front of Gero's lab) PICCOLO: Must be, 'cause you're late. VEGETA: Only because of this brat's constant backchat! TRUNKS: Because you flew 200 miles past North City! (cut to back inside Dr. Gero's lab) VEGETA: (from outside the door) And I'm about to put my hand 200 miles upside your head! TRUNKS: (from outside the door) That doesn't make any sense! ANDROID 18: Jesus, they're loud. DR. GERO: Great, and now Vegeta's here. 17! 18! You two are charged with eliminating them! ANDROID 17: You know, I'll get right on that-- but first we gotta talk about these trust issues, because I get this strange feeling that after we kill them, you're just gonna turn us off again. And I don't even know how... DR. GERO: (while holding a remote) Why, with this remote, of course. ANDROID 17: Oh... (swipes the remote from Gero's hand) You mean this remote? DR. GERO: Uh, but, you see, that's just the decoy remote. I wouldn't show you the real thing, ha... But, uh, I do need that remote back. It was my mother's. ANDROID 17: Oh, don't you worry. I'ma hold onto it real tight... (crushes the remote) Whoops. ANDROID 18: Did your hand just malfunction, bro? ANDROID 17: Think it did, sis. (cut to back to outside Dr. Gero's lab) VEGETA: Enough of this! I'm sick of standing around! (prepares to blast down the door) TRUNKS: No! We can't do this without Goku! VEGETA: Why? It's a goddamn door! TRUNKS: That's not what I-- VEGETA: Gah! (fires an energy blast which blows down the door with the group standing face to face with the androids) All right, so where are the real androids? TRUNKS: That's them. (shows a shot of Androids 17 and 18) VEGETA: Wow, you are just the Grand Central Station of disappointment, aren't you? TRUNKS: How are these people friends with you?! TIEN: Making a lot of assumptions right now... ANDROID 18: Wow... you got a whole hot mess of these guys over here. DR. GERO: And you need to get rid of them! ANDROID 18: I don't know... we might need some help... (walks up and looks at another unactivated pod) Oh, what's this? Your secret project? DR. GERO: No, he's in the base-- I mean, yes! Very secret-- don't touch! ANDROID 18: (takes a better look inside the pod) Wait a second, did you build a ginger android? Man, there's a Soulless Machine joke there, but that's beneath me. TRUNKS: (completely shocked) Wait, what!? VEGETA: So, I'm pretty sure that's three androids you've missed? Do I hear four? TRUNKS: (thinking) No, no, no, no, no! DR. GERO: Do not activate Android 16! He's not properly programmed! ANDROID 17: Oh, and how many of us are? (in a southern accent accompanied by banjo music) Howdy, folks, I'm Android 13, look at my trucker hat. DR. GERO: I was going through a phase! ANDROID 18: Well, let's say we open him up and get to know our new friend. DR. GERO: Don't you dare! I am your master and you will do what I say! ANDROID 17: I... I'm sorry... could you repeat that? I think the ear thing's back. DR. GERO: I said I am your master and you will do what I-- (Android 17 impales him the chest with his hand) ANDROID 17: Sorry, doc. (decapitates Dr. Gero with a kick, with his head rolling towards Krillin) Just following orders. DR. GERO: (as his head stops directly in front of a whimpering Krillin) So... could one of you possibly spare one of those Senzu-- (Android 17 crushes crushes his head under his foot) SEQUENCE STINGER (cut to Gohan carrying Bulma, baby Trunks, and Yajirobe on their way to Bulma's house) GOHAN: Bulma, are you sure it's safe to hold the baby like that while we're flying? BULMA: Well, what do you expect me to do? GOHAN: Give him to Yajirobe? BULMA: I'm afraid he'll either drop him or eat him out of spite. YAJIROBE: I am pissed and hungry. She is right to fear me.